Temples to Alien Gods - Episode II

Far, far away from all this madness, another pirate ship drifted through deep space. a recognizable ship, bright red and sleek, with an almost piscine design, two big propulsion drives on the back, and covered with graffiti from a thousand worlds. It belonged to Captain Rosario Cortez, the most feared pirate who operated outside of the guild.

“To Richard Lightyear!”

Captain Cortez sat in the cockpit, a bottle of rum raised in one hand. A hologram of the pirate captain Richard Lightyear floated in the air.

“Have there been finer captains? Probably, but Richard was one of the best!”

“I concur, Captain,” Gretel, the ship’s AI, responded. Gretel existed through the ship’s computer and when she spoke her voice simply came out of an intercom or speaker closest to whoever she was speaking to.

Cortez finished the bottle in her hands and dropped it to the floor.

“Gretel! Unlock the liquor cabinet!”

“Captain, you have just finished your seventh bottle. I do not think consuming more alcohol is a wise idea at this time.”

Cortez pulled herself out of her chair. “Gretel, are you implying that I am…drunk?”

“Captain, you’re wearing your Daisy Duck pajamas. You hate your Daisy Duck pajamas. I distinctly recall you saying you’d never be caught sober in them. Therefore I must conjecture that you are not sober.”

Cortez pulled herself to her feet. “See, Gretel? I can stand!”

“Congratulations, Captain. Now walk to the liquor cabinet in a straight line and we can negotiate if I should unlock it.”

Cortez made the attempt.

“See?”

“Captain, that was more akin to a figure eight.”

“Damn you, Gretel!” Cortez cried at the ship. “I’m trying to mourn here!”

She turned back to the hologram.

“He was a handsome devil,” said Cortez. “He had his faults, but he was a handsome devil.”

“If you say so, Captain.”

“You disagree?”

“Captain, I fail to see the aesthetic appeal of the male members of any species. They just seem so...awkward, inelegant.”

Captain Cortez laughed so hard her unstable legs gave out. She lay on the floor among the rum bottles, tears running down her face..

“Captain?”

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Cortez bellowed to the ship. “May I present Gretel: the 6 million-dollar lesbian!”

“Captain, I believe the appropriately sarcastic response is: Hardy har har har har.”

“Gentlemen! We can rebuild her! We have the technology! Harder! Better! Faster! Stronger! Queerer!”

“Captain, the level of mirth you are demonstrating at the idea that I prefer women to men is proof that you are somewhat intoxicated. I do not even possess a physical form, so the question is somewhat academic.”

Cortez pulled herself up against a wall and went through the bottles, hoping to find a drop she had missed.

“So what if I am drunk?” she asked. “Wouldn’t Richie have wanted it?”

“Captain Richard Lightyear would have wanted you to commemorate him by wearing ugly pajamas and consuming so much alcohol that you are barely able to stand?”

“Exactly.”

“Why?”

Cortez found a bottle with a few drops in it and tipped it back. “It’s a human thing, Gretel. You wouldn’t understand it.”

“I suppose, Captain.”

Cortez raised her empty bottle to the hologram. “Hey, Richard! Can you hear me?”

“Captain?”

“Richard!” Cortez continued. “Remember the Austin job? God, do I remember the Austin job! All those guns, straight off the assembly line! We made a fortune!”

Cortez sat in her captain’s chair.

“I remember celebrating afterward! God, you were drunk! You didn’t notice me and Sarah…well, you don’t need to know about that. Or do you?”

Cortez peered at Richard’s hologram suspiciously. “Did you know, Richard? Did you know about Sarah and me?”

Richard’s hologram didn’t answer.

“I wanted to ask!” Cortez cried. “You never said anything if you did! But you were the nicest goddamn pirate I ever knew!”

Richard’s hologram continued to gently revolve in the air, face unmoving, not saying a word.

An empty bottle flew through the hologram and shattered against a wall.

“DAMN IT, RICHARD! I HAVE TO KNOW!”

“Captain, listen to me. Captain Lightyear is dead.”

Cortez wasn’t listening. She seized more bottles and hurled them at Richard’s hologram. Rum and broken glass flew everywhere.

“Why did you have to die, Richard?!” she screamed. “You and Weasel and Banner and Zehr and Pike! You all left me!”

“Captain, they didn’t leave you.”

“You promised me you wouldn’t leave! You all promised me when Lucy died! Oh, God...Lucy!”

Cortez reached for another bottle, but there were none left. Frustrated, she collapsed on the floor and cried, ugly impatient tears.

“Captain, please get up off the floor. There is a lot of broken glass in here.”

Captain Cortez didn’t move.

“Captain, please get up.”

“Why?” Cortez asked. “What’s the point?”

“We can discuss existentialism tomorrow, Captain. In the meantime, it would honestly be in your best interest to leave the bridge and go to bed.”

“No!” said Cortez. “Leave me in peace.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Captain?”

Cortez only snored in response. Gretel disengaged the captain’s  gravity and gently moved her through the ship until she was hovering above her bed, reengaging gravity so she could fall in.

“Gretel!” Rosario cried out, half-asleep. “Damn you, Gretel! Gretel, I…I…I’ll let…you…”

Cortez grew less and less coherent until she finally drifted into a fitful sleep.